Crossroads

This summer I feel like I've been unusually quiet here on my blog, and not for lack of things to write about. No, there have been lots of adventures to write about, but probably more quiet times than I can remember in quite a while too. More times where I've felt that I needed to be more the hermit than the extrovert, more times where I have needed to simply sit and digest.
In fact, after leaving our life in NYC, leaving our whole life there and moving here, I think that one of the hardest things for me to get used to was the quiet. Once we settled in at the beginning of this summer, I don't think our home phone rang for months. Almost everyone that we knew, or could run into, lived far away, and so began a long summer of learning how to live in Charleston. It has been fantastic in so many ways, Frank has loved this new beginning, the kids have been thrilled to make new friends, and I have been drinking in the natural beauty and sunshine that we are surrounded by here in our new life.
The hardest thing for me is just feeling so constantly "out of my skin", I keep looking for a comfortable place, like a dog turning around and around to find the perfect spot to settle in.

And suddenly, without warning, I feel like I am at a bit of a crossroads. I can't even pinpoint the day but recently I noticed that I no longer feel so uncomfortable. Inside I feel myself relaxing, places that were tense are easing up.

All summer long I have taken a break from making my work, in past times of great stress I know that I have been unable to paint, so I knew that would happen this time as well. I prepared myself for this break. During my flurry of new paintings this spring and as I was packing up my studio I wondered how long the break would be. We moved and then settled into this time of integration. All summer I've felt myself processing, integrating the new and old, the leaving and the meeting, opening up and debriefing in a beautiful stillness. All while looking forward to beginning to work again, and finally, yes finally, I feel my creative process slowly coming on again.....I've begun envisioning paintings, ideas are germinating. I can't tell you how good it feels!

During this summer of stillness Danielle LaPorte's post on productive rest came at the perfect resonant time for me. The quiet, in between, times are still ones that I struggle with, but after this summer I feel more familiar with those places inside myself, more able to sit and be calm with them.